That summer

At the seaside in Dalian, he told me that the most regrettable thing at this time was not seeing the sea with her.. Perhaps the most regrettable thing in his life was that she was not with him. He said they were not married..     This was a phone call from a familiar friend one day last October. I forgot how I continued the next topic with him at that time. I only vaguely remembered that I heard his slight sobs at that time. In my memory, the cheerful and smiling big boy had only those intermittent sobs left over from the phone.. It seems a little too far-fetched for a person to go to the place agreed by two people and fulfill a promise, but it promises that this thing is the same as feelings, either stick to people or hurt people.. No one can resist the pain after the broken love, even if the heart is strong enough, it will always become a big and small wound in these fragmentary disappointments and regrets. no matter how long it takes to heal itself, even if its empty pain becomes a scar covered with dust, we will lose confidence in the past bit by bit and despair bit by bit, regardless of whether there is a scar or no scar..     I always choose to go into the crowd on rainy days in this city. I think this is a sense of security, crowded with people, lively and lonely. I don’t seem to like such a complicated mood very much. I just can’t help it. Too many disappointments often leave life alone..     Therefore, people always have to walk into the noisy crowd to know how lonely they are. Such loneliness is a kind of estrangement from the present scene for too long. It seems that no one has ever stopped for whom, even when crossing the road, I have no time to see the expressions of these people. It seems that the world has become accustomed to drowning its silent cry in such a hurry. Although the road is crowded, people are still lonely, and if they don’t get the love, they may only be wandering aimlessly.. I think that people should always go through too much of the past before they can go on without hesitation. Without too much expectation, there will not be too much regret.. As I have always been used to being disappointed in everything, perhaps this disappointment is more acceptable than the subsequent despair.. Or, the world is like this, getting to know each other with unfamiliar faces, then getting to know each other, and finally getting to know each other with familiar faces, this feeling is like a sad joke, you can never guess each other’s thoughts, and of course you can’t understand your own messy mood.. That kind of feeling is like in the last twilight of my life, I can’t see the lake and mountain scenery, only those sunset sunset glow that makes me remember those frivolous people who have and regret, and how can the youth in my youth be worth some time? I always hope that time will pass slowly so that I can record those forgetful memories in those clumsy ways.. So, all the heart-to-heart departures will not hurt the last parting of life, because it will be a long time away, a long time you don’t even know.. However, some of life’s departure is to make us better and better reach the end of life, so it is certainly good to be able to stay together all our lives. If we can’t stay together, it’s just because it’s not appropriate. Although she doesn’t suit you, you just don’t understand it now and don’t want to admit it.. But no matter how bad she is, what she said at that moment is sweet, so all love that can’t reach the end is a kind of experience after all.     We are all equally lonely walking our shadows in the lonely streets. We are all equally lonely, empty and desolate in heart.. I always feel that I don’t belong to this city, because I still don’t feel safe here. Maybe I just like the life of traveling like that, forever on the road, without beginning or ending, I only enjoy the lengthy process.. I always forget what I really want in the busy time and forget myself in the busy scene. I am not very suitable for the life of the city. By contrast, the far-reaching sky, vast land, lush woods, clear running water, classical bridges, smoke houses and smooth stone roads are my eternal pursuit..     I still think of Mr. Grey Wolf among the countless plans I abandoned. I was still a sophomore at that time. He said he would take me on a trip when I graduated. I still remember my excitement when he discussed Provence with me. The next day I even went online to check all the pictures and profiles of Provence about lavender … Ah, look at myself at that time, how lovely and naive I was.. In other words, the romance at the beginning always paves the way for the recent unhappiness. Before I graduated, he left my life with lavender from Provence. This kind of forgetting with expectations is rather too much melancholy in the Jianghu.. Now that I’m graduating, I don’t want to go to Provence, those purple colors that are too romantic and don’t want to go so far. I just want to see the sea once and write down my most painful memories on the beach. I think those pains will be taken away by the waves and then I will be happy forever.. Although it is very old, I want to be a happy child, but it seems that happiness is a particularly difficult thing, because happiness is a discipline that is more painful than pain.. However, I want to take me to the sea one summer … ah